Elizabeth Eichhorn
listen
Elizabeth’s dad died in 2017 from cancer
Hi Daddy,
I’ve been missing you a lot lately. Your phone number is still saved under my favorites, and I accidently called it last week. I went completely numb when an operator came on and said that the phone was no longer in service. I stared at the phone trying to make sense of what just happened, and then it all came back to me. You’re not here anymore.
It’s moments like this, when I remember how strange the world is without you in int. You taught me how to survive this crazy world. Thank you for teaching me practical skills like using a drill and changing a tire. I have always felt safe because I have been taught those skills.
You were the person who I turned to for logic and understanding. You reminded me that I have value in this world. Thanks to you, I love long walks to talk out my problems, and realizing that there is a lot of noise in this world. So I have to remember where my faith lies.
You gave me space to create, draw, and experiment. You allowed me to ask questions and showed me how to research to find the answers.
I am eternally grateful for the letters of encouragement that you wrote to me throughout my life. They are wonderful memories of you and still remind me that I had support in my life.
Along with all the good you shared with me, you also put a lot of pressure on me when it came to body image; you talked about your body and the amount of working out you did constantly; and if momma, Katharine, and I didn’t adhere to your strict regimen we were treated like we were “sinners”. You had horrible eating patterns that you passed onto me. The idea to starve myself during the week and then binge on weekend was a major cause of my own eating disorder.
It took a long time for me to overcome those feelings and views of myself. I also had to realize that it wasn’t all you.
I never wanted to disappoint you and feel like I did when I married Victor.
Victor was not the man you had in mind for me. You told me that you had wanted me to marry someone who was less progressive, more masculine, not as nerdy, wealthier, taller...I brought all of these thoughts into my marriage. Judging Victor at every step because I am still trying to live up to the standards you set for me.
You were my foundation in a lot of ways, but what I realize is you were who I want approval from. Even through your death, I still feel obligated to do right by you.
However, in your final voicemail to me, there was a lot of healing. You told me you were proud of both me and Victor. It may not have been the first time that you said this, but it was the first time that I heard it for what it was. I didn’t think it fluffy our words just being said because of the circumstance. For all my life, you were the man that I looked up to and leaned on and didn’t give room to room to Victor, but I can now.
A whole part of me is gone. Life without you has been incredibly challenging and also eye-opening. We differed on politics, but in reality we shared such common beliefs, to love people, make space for all. You reminded me to have a voice and that it was okay to take sides on issues, not just be in the middle.
Thank you for teaching me such crucial lessons that have given me great strength to keep going. I miss you everyday and am trying to understand this world without you, but know that it is because of you that I feel strong, am able to have a voice, and stand for my beliefs.
I love you, Daddy.
In Elizabeth’s own words, she is “A Texas native living in Los Angeles with my husband, Victor. I love cooking, gardening, and exploring the city. When I’m not working on my business, I love encouraging other women to begin their own company.” Elizabeth also hosts monthly themed dinners to connect people over food and authentic conversations through Ampersand Dinners.